Kiss
Puke
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
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