ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
