he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
