so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
