I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize