I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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