i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
How does it feel to date your dad?
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