A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Randomize
