Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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