You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
