You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
i think i have two assholes
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
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