Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
