I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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