I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
