Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
there is puke in my bra ... again
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize