Your mouth is God's brothel.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
