If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
