His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
