I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize