I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
