I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
