Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize