You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Randomize
