Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
