I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
