dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
