you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
