yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
i now understand why vodka
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
