butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
