1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
