dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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