Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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