I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize