i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
