Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I puked a lego.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
