Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
