My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
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