dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
