I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
