Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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