Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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