and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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