Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
