just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
