Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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