Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
