I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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