Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Randomize
