32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
i dont even know how to be here
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
