It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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