Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Randomize
