It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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