haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Randomize
