farters have to be the big spoon...
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
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