Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
