it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
