We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
