Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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