is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Randomize
