How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Randomize
