I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
