Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize