Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Randomize
