Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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