i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Enjoy the penises
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
