If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
