I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
