i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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