did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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