In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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