My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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