So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize